Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
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I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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