never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
