She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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