Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
