There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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