Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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