I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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