if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
