I think my vagina is haunted
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
