"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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