mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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