i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
