I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
