i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
