Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize