I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
