Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
