If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
