Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
