i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
