i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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