Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
