I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
