you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
