He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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