people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
