my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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