Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm having to shit out rocks
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
