Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
