So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
