It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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