It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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