Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
