He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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