At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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