but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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