Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
