hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
