his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
