Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
