You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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