there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
