The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
