Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I would fuck him just for his dog
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
