im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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