He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
