my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
