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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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