It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
