if you like me you must not know who I am
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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