So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
