you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
