I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize