I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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