the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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