she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
