3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I could make wine with my vomit
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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