Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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