We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
