Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize