I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
