I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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