Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
