we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i was born a porn star she said
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
