you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
