Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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