I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
